Diary Entries
by cherryblaster
Summary: One night, Iggy goes into Fang's room with...Max's diary. Do they read it? Of course they read it! But when Max wants to get her revenge when she finds out, what do us readers get? A lot of Fax of course!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey! This is just something that I randomly thought of while attempting to update my other story, School's Out-For the Summer. Hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Maximum Ride.**

**Fang's POV:**

* * *

><p>"Psst, psst, Fang!" Iggy hissed at me at around 3 am.<p>

"Wrraaaugh!" I shouted, shooting up in bed. I'm a light sleeper. The tiniest sound at night sounds like an A bomb to me.

"Look what I found," Iggy said, wriggling his eyebrows at me.

He held up a little book. A little green book that had one word on the cover.

Journal.

I stared at it for a few moments before realizing what it was.

"Damn!" I exclaimed, before I could stop myself. "You didn't."

"Uh, Fang?" Iggy said hesitantly, "is it what I think it is? I mean, I couldn't exactly _see_ it, but when I finally picked the lock in Max's desk drawer, I found a book. Which led me to the only possible conclusion."

"Yeah," I got out, "this is what you think it is. It's Max's diary."

"Damn," Iggy said, "You wouldn't think Max would be the type to keep a diary, but…"

"Yeah," I said again. My vocabulary is amazing, I know.

I must have just been sitting there in the dark stupidly, because the next thing I knew, Iggy was jumping up and down on the bed, saying to read it already.

Now, Iggy and I are eighteen. I don't know about your bed, but mine couldn't really handle an eighteen year old guy bouncing around on it. It was creaking and shifting to the point when I seriously thought he was going to break it.

"Dude," I admonished, "chill out."

"Uh, Fang?" Iggy said, coming to a stop, "First of all, don't say 'dude'. You're not a surfer dude, even though I know that's your secret dream. Second of all, are you going to freaking open it already?"

Hold up there for a second.

"Whoa, Iggy," I said, "you want me to _open_ it?"

He looked at me for a moment like I had sprouted horns. Which, I guess, considering our upbringing, wasn't totally impossible.

"Hell yes, I want you to open it!" He demanded.

When I still didn't do anything, he took the diary out of my hands. "This situation needs to be taken care of by a real man," he proclaimed. The "manly" effect was sort of ruined by the fact that his voice cracked on the last few words, though.

"Wait," I told Iggy. "I'm not sure if we should open it."

He looked at me, dumbfounded. "Why?" he asked after a few beats of silence. He actually seemed to be speechless, which was a first.

"Well, I don't know how your relationship with _Ella _is," I started, "but Max and I sort of respect each other's privacy. I wouldn't like it if Max went through _my _things, so I'm not going to go through hers."

Iggy still looked at me like I should be put into a mental hospital. Well, he looked at my nightstand like it should be in a mental hospital, but the thought was there, right?

"Also," I went on, "If Max ever found out I read her diary, she would castrate me with a pair of rusty kitchen shears."

Iggy winced.

"I don't think I'm ready to take that kind of risk. Plus, like I said before, I just don't want to violate her privacy like that.

Iggy looked thoughtful for a moment. Dangerous habit for him, I know.

"First of all," he said, "I don't have a 'relationship' with Ella. We're just friends."

Really? I spent about two minutes telling him why I didn't want to open Max's diary and that's all he says? That I've got his relationship status with Ella wrong? Well, if that's what he wants to talk about, I'm all for it, especially since it'll probably distract him from the whole diary thing.

"Friends with benefits," I said.

That shut him up.

"What?" he said, looking stunned.

"C'mon, you think no one knows that you're making out every moment of the day? Once, in the middle of the night, I woke up to get a glass of water and I heard all of these…noises coming from your room. If Dr. M knew that Ella was in your room at two in the morning, she would murder you."

"You _knew_ about that?" Iggy said, looking like he wanted to die in a hole.

"Uh, I'm pretty sure everyone knows about you and Ella except Dr. M," I informed him.

Iggy blushed, "It's not what you think it is. We didn't _do _anything, you know. She won't let me get further than second base. Sometimes, it's so easy to see that she and Max are related."

Yes! He's distracted from getting me to open Max's diary now!

"Girl troubles?" I asked, trying to sound like I knew what I was talking about. My only relationship, other than the one kiss with Lissa, was with Max, so it's not like I knew lots about "girl troubles".

"Well," Iggy said, sighing, "if you must know, Ella and I have secretly been dating for a while now."

"Wow!" I said, smirking, "secret dating! Next thing you know, you'll be wearing light up velcro Transformers shoes!" Yeah, when I want to be, I can be really obnoxious.

"Don't go there," Iggy warned, "light up shoes are not a laughing matter."

I sighed. _Iggy._

"All joking aside," I started again, "Why is everything a secret? Why not just…tell everyone?"

"You said it yourself," Iggy said, "Dr. M would kill me if she knew Ella was in my room at night, so if she knew we were _dating_, she might actually like…take away my bacon rights or something-and then kill me," His voice dropped to a whisper. "Can you keep a secret? I'm sort of afraid of Dr. M," he said.

I almost broke a Fang Law and laughed. "Dude, your brain has some serious issues. She would be pissed if she knew Ella was in your room at night because that's _messed up_. You're living in Dr. M's _house_ for crying out loud! You don't think she'd be a little bit paranoid about what goes on with her _daughter _under _her roof? _Just saying that you're dating her shouldn't be that much of a problem though," I said, "I mean, you're both eighteen. Legal adults. She can't have much of a say about whether or not you guys choose to hold hands and cuddle or whatever."

"Cuddle?" Iggy asked, his face disgusted, "that is not a manly word. I prefer…sitting close together."

"Okay…" I said, not really wanting to understand the inner workings of Iggy's brain, "She can't really have much of a say about whether or not you guys choose to hold hands or _sit close together._"

"I guess you're right," he said, "but there's another problem, too."

_Yes!_ I thought to myself, _He's totally forgot about the diary._

"What's your problem?" I asked.

"Well, I lied before," Iggy said hesitantly, "we haven't gotten to second base yet. I mean, we've dated for about 8 months now, and she still slaps me whenever my hands get higher than her belly button! I'm at the end of my rope. Do you think it's genetics? I mean, how did the two of us start loving two sisters who are absolutely distrusting of men?"

This time, I actually did laugh. "Um, wow," I said, "I sympathize for you and everything, but I don't exactly _empathize_, if you get my meaning," I winked at him.

He made a gagging noise and turned away from me. "Wow," he said, "you're like, my brother, and Max is like, my sister, so hearing about your love life is really grossing me out right now."

I smiled again. I was acting so un-Fang like only because I was relieved that Iggy seemed to have forgotten the whole diary thing.

"To get these horrible, horrible images out of my head, I need to distract myself," Iggy announced.

Oh, no.

"We need to break into Max's diary," he said.

Dear God, life really does hate me.

"How many times do I have to tell you?" I said impatiently, "I'm not reading Max's diary."

"C'mon!" Iggy wheedled, "She'll never find out."

"That's what you said about the stink bomb you planted in Nudge's closet," I reminded him, smirking.

"That was different!" he protested, "A stink bomb was much more…noticeable than reading someone's _diary_. I'm serious, Fang. Max will never find out about this."

"Iggy," I said, "I think you're underestimating the power that Maximum Ride has. She's probably got, like, a rigged system or something that'll let her know if her diary's been opened."

"Oh," he said, seemingly at a loss, "I didn't think of that."

"Of course," I said smugly. "Soooo…did you want to…I don't know, grab a midnight snack or something?"

Yes, that was a thinly veiled attempt at getting him distracted again.

"Nice try Fang,"

And a very pathetic attempt, it seems.

"Listen, Iggy," I said patiently, "I'm not breaking into her diary. That would be like, breaking her trust in me."

He rolled his eyes. "What era are you living in?" he asked, "I'm not talking about trust. I'm talking about revenge."

Okay…slightly interesting. What was he talking about? "Tell me more," I said.

"So you know how I'm blind and all?" Iggy started.

"No, I didn't know that, thanks for enlightening me," I said sarcastically.

"Oookay," he replied, nonplussed, "yeah, so since I'm blind, everyone sort of lets their guard down around me. Y'know, since I can't see what they're doing, they do lot's of private things around me."

"I don't get where this is going," I said, slightly disgusted at what sort of "private things" the rest of the flock did around Iggy.

"Patience is a virtue," Iggy intoned. "Yeah, so… when you were…MIA and Max was…all depressed, I stumbled over her…reading something." **(A/N: Wow, that was a record use of ellipses there!)**

My heart dropped to my stomach. _Please let it not have been my dia-journal, please let it not be my journal,_ I chanted in my head.

"Was it my journal?" I demanded, pulse racing. If she read what I wrote in my journal, we were going to have a _very_ long talk.

"No…" Iggy said, raising an eyebrow, "you kept a journal?"

Crap.

"Uh, no," I bluffed, "I meant…the…planner that we had to keep in that school that Anne made us go to. Yeah. Calling it a 'journal' was a fad back then." God, that might have been one of the worst lies I've ever told.

It was obvious that Iggy didn't believe a word I said, but he let it slide (thank God!) and kept on going with his "revenge" explanation.

"Yeah, and I caught Max reading your _blog_," he stressed, "And get this, going through the files on your computer. Like, unpublished blog entries and all that. Plus, she was looking at other stuff too. Like, your pros and cons list that you made of Max, and the first draft of your sappy love letter that you sent her when you left."

Oh, _hell no_. "That's worse than my diary!" I exclaimed. "How do you know this anyways?" I asked suspiciously.

"Hello? I can see things on a white background. The computer screen was white. The words were black." **(A/N: I know that this isn't exactly how Iggy's power works, but bear with me here.)**

"She _wouldn't,_" I said, narrowing my eyes.

"She _would,_" Iggy confirmed, "Which is why we have to read her diary as revenge."

Well. In this case, it wouldn't exactly be betraying Max's trust if I read her diary, and plus? What teenage guy isn't curious to know what his girlfriend writes in her diary anyway?"

"I'm in," I said finally, "pick that lock, Iggy."

* * *

><p><em>June 14, 2011.<em>

_Hey,_

_Yeah, so I refuse to start off my saying "dear diary" or whatever crap girls do now. Just "hey". Get used to it._

_Oh, my God! Something…major happened today. I can't tell my mom, she'd kill me, I can't tell the flock, it'd be too embarrassing, so I'll just tell you, journal._

_Today started off…pretty boring. I sat around in class, came home, did homework, ate dinner, washed the dishes…Just a normal night. Except after dinner, I went flying. With Fang. _

_Oh, my goodness, flying by itself is pretty amazing, but flying with Fang? Out of this world._

_The best part? It was really hot out. So Fang had ditched his shirt._

* * *

><p>Oh, shoot, I really hoped that the night she was writing about wasn't the night I thought it was…<p>

* * *

><p><em>So it was just the two of us, alone, 1500 feet up in the sky, and Fang was shirtless.<em>

_Suddenly, my day had just gotten a whole lot more interesting. _

_It was a pretty normal flight, and we were just flapping lazily, mostly riding on some air currents and everything. The thing was, about an hour in, Fang suddenly crashed into me. And kissed me. Hard._

_The thing about Fang's kisses, journal, is that they knock every coherent thought out of your brain. I forgot to flap, so we started to drop really fast. Fang didn't do anything about it though, and kept kissing me. Because my mind wasn't really working, I still didn't flap. When it looked like we were going to crash through the trees, Fang started flapping. He gently got us down, into a cave._

* * *

><p>Crap. It was that night. I stopped reading out loud.<p>

"Why did you stop?" He asked, confused.

"I…don't want to read anymore," I said uncomfortably.

"Don't forget the files on your computer…" Iggy said in a singsong voice.

Oh yeah! She read all of that stuff about me, so she totally deserves it if I tell Iggy what she wrote in her diary. I continued.

* * *

><p><em>He looked at me, and do you know what he did, journal? He said he loved me! Me! Loved! Me! He! Loved! Me! <em>

_I couldn't believe it. Me? With all my flaws? I thought that he thought of me as a sister (well, a sister that he'd made out with several times, but a sister all the same), not…in that way. But he said it! He loved me!_

* * *

><p>Wow, I didn't know Max was so…gushy in her diary. It was interesting, to say the least.<p>

* * *

><p><em>Of course, I said I loved him back. I mean, I do, so why wouldn't I say it? It was incredible. So he was all sweet, and was all just like, yeah, that's really great and journal, do you know what he did next? He gave me a promise ring! As in, the real deal promise ring! <em>

_I know that he gave me one, years ago, for my birthday, but he said that that one didn't count, because he broke the promise less than a year later by leaving me, and that this was the real promise._

_It was honestly, the sweetest thing anyone's ever done to me. _

_He has one, and I have one. They're white gold, and have M&F carved into them, with a ruby on one side, and an amethyst on the other, our birthstones. _

_I couldn't believe that he could afford something like that, seeing as…y'know, he doesn't really work, but he said that he talked with my mom, and she chipped in. _

_Isn't that romantic? He asked my mom for permission to give me a promise ring! Oh my God, he's so sweet and perfect I could die. _

_Actually those abs alone are worth living for. Never mind. _

_I'm being too girly. I need to stop before I turn into Nudge._

_Bye,_

_Max._

* * *

><p>I had the task of putting Max's diary back into her locked drawer the next day, when she was out teaching Gazzy how to fly sideways. I made sure to put it back exactly how it was when Iggy found it, and locked the drawer back up.<p>

Max's diary was…really unexpected. It was really weird that _Max_, of all people was having these kinds of thoughts about me. I had always thought that while I was always thinking about how beautiful Max was, she didn't really notice looks and everything.

Plus, she thought I was "romantic, sweet and perfect"? That was nice to hear-er…read.

Well, she was perfect too, though. And beautiful.

* * *

><p><strong>Iggy's POV:<strong>

Wow, I swear, I almost threw up in my mouth from reading all that sappy lovey-dovey crap. Seriously, I will die before I do any of that mushy stuff Fang did to Max. He's an insult to all males.

…Wait. What if girls like that sort of thing? What if _Ella _likes that sort of thing? She probably does, since she's Max's sister and all.

Well, then. Maybe Fang's not totally feminine. Actually, I could ask him for some tips. Once Ella and I go public, that is.

_Once Ella and I go public_. That was actually kind of a nice thought. It sure would be a load off my shoulders if I didn't always have to worry about the secret anymore.

Suddenly, my reverie was interrupted by a loud shriek.

"WHO TOOK MY JOURNAL?" Max screamed loudly.

Oh crap. She knew.

* * *

><p><strong>So...Like it? Hate it? Review! They seriously make my day!<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey! Thanks for all the positive reviews! I got 11! I opened my email box and I was just like, O.o. I love you guys so much!**

**Warning: This chapter includes extreme OOC-ness, on Max's part. Read at your own risk. Also, there's a bit of language in this chapter. Nothing you wouldn't hear in the hallways at school though.**

**Thanks to Sierra156 for being my beta again!  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I don't own Maximum Ride.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Max's POV:<strong>

When I finished my shower, I headed back to my room. The rest of the flock thought that I was reading, but actually, I was doing something else. I was writing in my journal.

Every night, while I waited for my hair to dry, I wrote. Not very much, but just enough so relax me, to get all of my thoughts out of my head. Don't judge me.

No one knows, though, not even Fang. I keep my journal in a locked drawer in my desk, and the actual journal is locked too. No one can _ever_ read it, though, because I feel like I'm a different person in my journal than in real life. I can gush about things, or be as mushy as I want.

Actually, half the things I say in my journal would never, _never_ be said in real life.

So I headed back to my room, unlocked the drawer and took out my protractor.

Yeah, I didn't' take out my journal just yet. Every night, when I finish writing, I put my journal in the drawer at a 43.26 degree angle. Call me paranoid, but that way, if _anyone_ ever touched it, I would know.

I carefully measured the angle, and almost passed out when I saw what it was.

_43.29._

_43.2 FREAKING 9!_

I closed my eyes, took a few deep breaths, and measured again. Sometimes I make mistakes. No biggie.

When I measured again, I didn't almost pass out, but my vision went red.

It was still at a 43.29 degree angle. Which meant only one thing…

"WHO TOOK MY JOURNAL?" I screamed loudly.

Predictably, no one owned up. When they heard me shriek, everyone sort of… disappeared from view. Like little mice do when they see a hawk flying overhead.

Hmm… I like that. Max the Hawk. Has a nice ring to it. All cool and badass.

_Augh!_ I screamed at myself. _Focus! _I had to focus on finding the person who'd committed this, this terrible… _felony_ and make them pay.

I stormed down the empty hallway, through the empty living room, down the empty stairs, and went straight to Angel's room. My plan? Divide and Conquer.

Yeah, so everyone could hide from me and everything, but _c'mon. _My mom's house wasn't even all that big, so there weren't very many hiding places. And once I found a member of the flock…I'd interrogate them until one cracked, admitting to taking my journal.

Angel, predictably, was hiding out in her room. When she saw me storm in, she quickly hid under the covers of her bed.

Aw, she's scared of me. That's cute.

Back to the task at hand.

"Angel, did you take my journal?" demanded, trying to tone my voice down as to not frighten her anymore.

She peeked out from under the blankets and shook her head, eyes wide.

I still couldn't believe her, though, so I whipped out my Spy Gear Lie Detector Kit©, prepared just for moments like these. Don't ask- I was obsessed with being a spy and stuff when we had first escaped from the School, so I asked Jeb for some supplies.

I got her to stand up, and attached the sensors to her fingers.

"Angel," I said in a warning tone. "I'm going to ask you one more time. Did you take my journal?"

"No," she answered.

The lights didn't light up. Huh. I guess she was telling the truth after all.

"Thanks, Angel," I said, my voice much gentler now. I bent down and dropped a kiss on the top of her head. "There's some brownies that Iggy baked in the kitchen, if you want any."

I left her room, and headed to the bathroom, where I suspected Gazzy was hiding.

I banged on the door, loudly.

"Let me in!" I shouted.

"Uh," he said nervously, "I'm using the bathroom. Now's… not really a good time."

"You really expect me to believe that?" I asked, removing a bobby pin from my hair. "I'm coming in."

"Noooo!" I heard him yell, and I heard a loud thump as he threw himself at the door. Maybe it's just me, but I have a feeling that if he actually _were_ using the toilet, he wouldn't have jumped up and blocked the door.

Perfect.

I stuck the bobby pin in the lock and jimmied it around a bit. After a few moments, I heard a satisfying little _click_, and I started to push the door open. Now, Gazzy's a twelve-year-old boy. I am an eighteen-year-old girl. I was pretty sure that in this little skirmish, I would come out on top.

Yup. I braced my feet on the floor, and pressed my back against the door. Slowly, the door began to open.

Suddenly, I was flying backwards, and slammed into something hard and cold.

"What the hell?" I demanded. Gazzy, knowing that he could never keep the door shut, had instead opted to just stop trying to keep the door closed, and instead let me fall into the bathroom. Onto the toilet.

Like any twelve year old boy, he started laughing hysterically at the sight of someone who just fell on top of a toilet.

At the sight of my red-with-rage face, though, Gazzy quickly smothered his giggles and composed his face.

"Why're you barging into the bathroom?" he asked warily.

"Did you open my journal?" I quizzed, attaching the sensors onto his fingers. No need to bother with plain old questioning when I can get it all over with, using my Spy Gear Lie Detector Kit©.

"Uh, I don't know what you're talking about," Gazzy said, staring at me like I was crazy.

The lights didn't light up. Huh. Guess he's telling the truth. Time to push this interrogation a little further…

"Do you know anyone who might have?" I questioned, getting in his personal space. Yeah, I watched a lot of cop shows. I know all the tricks of the trade like that.

"No…" he said slowly. "Are you sure you're not, like, smoking anything funny?"

Again, the lights stayed off. Damn.

"You're home free," I sighed. "And no, I'm not smoking anything. Although I can't say the same can be said for you. Once, I heard you sleep talking to a flying, mutant gorilla, whom you apparently wanted to eat."

With that, I made my epic exit out of the bathroom, and headed downstairs, to the kitchen and over to the pantry.

I was pretty sure that Nudge would be here, since she was in that weird, preteen girl phase, where she was constantly dieting. Well, in public she was dieting, but we all knew that that box of Triscuits couldn't have disappeared on its own. So, the pantry.

When I wrenched the door open, I found Nudge there, with a half eaten granola bar beside her.

I knew it.

"Nudge," I began, doing the same routine that I'd used with Gazzy. "Did you open my journal?"

"No," She said, "But I didn't know that you kept a journal, Max! I have one too, but it's pink with some sparkles on it, and it has a picture of Justin Bieber on the cover. Yours probably doesn't though, because I remember that time where I bought _My World 2.0_, y'know, that CD by him? Yeah, and when I played it, you almost broke the CD play-"

I cut her off by shoving the granola bar into her mouth. I looked down at the detector. Unlit.

Well, I guess I expected that. I mean, why would _Nudge_ want to read my journal? It just didn't seem like the type of thing she'd do.

There was another problem though…

"Nudge," I began, "stop pretending to diet. You're going to become like one of those anorexic models. You're really skinny already."

Like with Gazzy, I ended this statement by spinning around on my heel, and walking out. There were only two more potential suspects. Iggy and Fang. Ella wasn't a suspect, because she was with Dr. M all night, going over an assignment for school or something.

I was actually stumped as to where Iggy and Fang might be. Their rooms? No, they'd expect that I'd look there. The bathroom? There was only one other bathroom on the second floor, since Gazzy had hidden in one. It was beside my bedroom so that was out. The one on the first floor had a really squeaky floorboard right in front of it, so I would have heard if one of them went in there. There weren't any other good-sized closets in the house, except…

Aha! That was it! The linen closet! It was more than big enough to hide a person, and was near both of their rooms, where I suspected they'd been when I'd yelled about someone taking my journal.

I went back upstairs, and headed to the linen closet.

"Iggy!" I hollered. "Come out of the closet!"

No answer. Time for Plan B.

I forcefully yanked open the door, only to find Iggy and _Fang_, of all people, in a very…_compromising _situation. Iggy sort of hunched up beside a stack of sheets, and Fang was standing up, his hands braced against the wall, leaning on top of Iggy.

And his…er…_hip _areas were…very close to Iggy's face.

I mean, granted, the closet was only big enough for about one person, and both Fang _and _Iggy were hiding out in it, but was that really the only position they could choose? Both of them had a very deer-in-the-headlights look on their faces.

"Uh, guys?" I started. "When I yelled at you to come out of the closet, I didn't exactly mean it in that way."

Iggy, realizing what I meant, quickly scrambled to his feet, but didn't realize that there was a shelf right above his head. He banged his head on the shelf, and landed right on top of Fang, making their situation even more awkward.

"And I'll just let you two have some privacy now…" I said, edging for the door.

I would have believed him, but how co uld I forget what an amazing liar he was?

Fang threw Iggy off of him, and got to his feet, face bright red. "Um, Max? You don't seriously think I'm gay with Iggy, do you?"

"Yeah," Iggy agreed, rubbing his head. "We were just hiding from you, and the towels I was sitting on toppled over, so I landed on the ground."

Oh. Okay then. I actually didn't think that Fang and Iggy were gay. Not to be cocky or anything, but Fang was too… into me. And Iggy was… too into Ella.

There was still a more pressing issue at hand though.

"Which one of you read my journal?" I asked, getting sort of tired of the whole interrogation thing.

"We didn't," Fang denied, his face an emotionless mask.

"I'll believe you after I run this little test…" I muttered, bringing out my lie detector.

The corner of Fang's mouth twitched. "You kept that?" he asked incredulously, amusement evident in his voice.

"Kept what?" Iggy asked.

"Her Spy Gear Lie Detector Kit©," Fang replied, looking like he might start laughing any second.

"Really? I remember when she was so obsessed with that, and she threatened to beat Jeb up if he didn't get it for her," Iggy laughed.

I narrowed my eyes. "Laugh all you want, guys," I warned, "but you aren't distracting me. I need to do the lie test on both of you, to see if you really opened my journal or not."

I attached the sensors to Fang's fingers, and asked him,

"Did you steal my journal?"

"No," he said calmly.

The lights didn't light up.

I attached the sensors onto Iggy's fingers.

"Did you read my journal?" I asked, looking intently at the light.

It didn't light up.

WTF? If those two didn't read it, if Angel, Gazzy and Nudge didn't read it, if Ella was with Dr. M all night, than there was only one other possibility…

"Total!" I exclaimed.

Before I could leave, I heard snickers behind me. Snickers that sounded an awful lot like Iggy and Fang.

"What?" I asked, slowly turning around.

At the look on my face, the snickers turned to full-blown, hysterical laughter.

"WHAT?" I demanded again, annoyed.

"Yo-you actually th-though that Tot-TOTAL took your jou-journal!" Iggy gasped out between laughs.

"Yeah, so?" I demanded, looking from him to Fang, who were both laughing too hard to answer my question.

When they finally calmed down a bit, Fang turned to me and said, "Listen, Max, I wouldn't tell you this if you didn't look so completely pathetic right now. Iggy and I took your journal."

Cue stunned silence from me. Then-

"You WHAT?" I screamed, lunging for them.

"Crap!" Iggy exclaimed, shooting Fang a dirty look. "See what you've gotten us into now?" With that, he tried to make a break for the door, but I quickly stopped him, getting him into a headlock, and then flipping him off my shoulder onto the ground. Once he was on the ground, I put my foot on top of him. Well, I put my foot on his groin and pressed a bit harder than necessary.

I'm cruel.

Yeah, call me unfair, picking on a blind guy, but the same _blind guy_ freaking took my journal!

Since Iggy was down and writhing in pain on the ground, I turned to Fang.

"I can't believe you took my journal," I said, my voice dangerously quiet now. Fang was looking increasingly uneasy.

"I'm really sorry?" Fang tried, his mouth curving into an impish smile.

"This isn't a joke Fang!" I yelled, losing my cool. "You. Read. My. _Fucking. _Journal."

Fang, realizing just how much trouble he was in now, just bowed his head and nodded.

My vision went red around the edges again.

"You jerk!" I shrieked, taking the foot that was on Iggy and stomping it. He gasped in pain. Good. "You lying asshole!"

Suddenly, I took my foot off of Iggy.

"You want to be tied up or down?" I snarled at him, tying his hands and feet together with a pillow case. After a bit of a struggle, did the same to Fang, except with Fang, I also blindfolded him.

I spun on my heel and headed out of the room. I knew _just_ what punishment would fit the crime.

* * *

><p><strong>Iggy's POV:<strong>

I was lying on the floor of the linen closet, my hands and ankles bound, still dizzy from Max's stomping all over my manhood. I may never have children…

_That's beside the point Iggy, _I admonished myself. I had more pressing issues. Like, what Max was planning as she left us tied up? Or down, depending on how you look at it.

"Fang?" I asked, "What is Max doing?"

"I honestly have no idea," Fang said. "But if I were you, I'd be scared. Very scared." With that he was silent.

There was no doubt in the world that I was scared. I mean, who knew what Max could do to us? She had a very evil mind, that girl. I could hope for lots of pain and torture at best, and possible death at worst.

Suddenly, the door burst open again.

"Holy shit," I heard Fang blurt out.

"What is it?" I asked nervously, my mind spinning out of control as a million possibilities raced through my head, each one more terrible than the last.

"It's Max," Fang said, gulping. "And she's got…a pair of rusty kitchen shears with her."

Oh no. _Please let me live through this, _I thought desperately.

* * *

><p><strong>Ella's POV:<strong>

I was so excited. I was doing a project about diabetes in cats for school, so my mom offered to take me to her office to see some of the medicines and stuff that they use to help diabetic cats. I totally want to be a vet when I grow up too.

We were just pulling up in our driveway now, and I could hardly wait to transfer the pictures I'd taken into my computer. When I burst in through the door, I was greeted by a very…strange sight.

Iggy and Fang were both all tied up, and Fang was blindfolded. They were both shivering with terror. Max had them lying down on the floor, their pants around their ankles. In her hands was a pair of my mom's old kitchen shears.

What the hell?

"Max," I said, "What the hell are you doing?"

She looked up at me. "I'm castrating them," she said, as if this were a perfectly normal thing to do on a Saturday night.

Oookay… "Why?" I asked, trying not to stare at Iggy with his pants off.

Um, forget I said that, okay?

"They read my diary, so now I'm going to castrate them with rusty kitchen shears," she said again. I thought I heard Fang mutter 'told you so' under his breath to Iggy. What was that all about?

"You're crazy," I said, grabbing the kitchen shears out of her hands. "You can't do a surgery in the _house, _on the _floor_, with _cooking utensils_. What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking about how what dickheads Fang and Iggy are, and that they should pay for taking my journal," she replied.

"Listen Max," I said, pulling her away from the boys. "If you really want to get back at them, you don't have to do it in a way that will probably land you in prison. I've got a better plan…"

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry it was so bad! Next chappie will be better, I promise. Review? Pretty please? They make my day!<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey! Sorry for the long wait! School started up again, and it's just been a whirlwind of homework, tests and assignments.**** I'll probably update every two weeks or so. Rest assured though, I'll finish this story.**

**Plus, it seems like everyone's dying. First Jack Layton in August, and now Steve Jobs? Cancer can just screw off already!**

**On a happier note, yay for the beginning of Glee! I loved the first three episodes, but it sucks that we have to wait until November 1 for the fourth one. I'm looking forward to that one especially, because it's guest starring a **_**certain**_** adorable Irish guy ;)**

* * *

><p><strong>Max's POV:<strong>

As Ella whispered her idea to punish Fang and Iggy to me, I slowly smiled, my eyes closing in anticipation. She was right, castrating them with a pair of rusty kitchen shears was not only illegal, it wasn't cruel enough.

No, this new plan was just…diabolical. Sinister. Wicked.

Someone should just hire me as a walking, talking thesaurus now. Forget saving the world, now's the time to pick up your limited time edition of the Winged Thesaurus! Call now!

Okay…moving right along now.

So Ella told me of her plan to get revenge on Fang and Iggy for reading my diary. I loved it.

This would take some planning, not to mention careful timing, but I was sure I could pull it off. If it didn't work out, it wouldn't result in any harm to me, but if did….oh boy. They would be embarrassed to the ends of the earth.

Who knew Ella was such an evil mastermind?

I walked back over to where Fang and Iggy were lying, their pants around their ankles.

"How're you enjoying being humiliated?" I asked.

"Well, I wouldn't exactly call it being _humiliated_, so to speak, especially when you consider that you and Ella can't focus with Iggy and I lying here without pants on," Fang said, smirking.

"Stop being such as smartass Fang," I said, kicking him right where it counted. He withered in pain.

"You're loving the view, aren't you Max?" Iggy asked.

"Not as much as you're enjoying lying next to Fang half-naked," I shot back. "Don't think I forgot that…awkward situation I witnessed in that closet."

There were a few stages to this: we could complete the first stage now.

I turned to Ella. "Ella, you know what to do," I said. She grinned and ran upstairs. Well, she sort of skipped upstairs, y'know, just because Ella's that sort of person.

I hoped Ella would do a good job of this, this stage in our Revenge Plan © was crucial. I had my back to Fang and Iggy now, because as much as I hated to admit it, Fang was right. I was trying my best not to stare at him with his pants down.

Fang and Iggy were silent.

I left the kitchen, eager to get to work on mine and Ella's plan.

* * *

><p>When Ella came back down, I was already equipped with the video camera my mom had gotten me for my birthday. I turned to look at Ella.<p>

Perfect. She had just what we needed.

Fang turned to look at us. "What do you plan on doing, exactly?" he asked, eyes narrowing suspiciously.

"What do they have?" Iggy asked Fang.

Fang looked more closely. "It looks like…one of those fondue makers, some popsicle sticks and a container, of some sort. Plus, Max has got these weird paper things."

"Oh God," Iggy moaned, "death by fondue. I knew it was only a matter of time."

"Shut up Iggy," I reprimanded. "We're not going to kill you."

"We're going to wax your legs," Ella finished, giggling like mad.

As you might expect, this didn't go down so well.

"What. The. Hell. Did you say?" Iggy asked disbelievingly. "I may have missed something, but the parts that I did hear sounded a lot like 'we're going to wax your legs,'"

"You heard that because that's exactly what we said," I replied, plugging the wax heater, the one Fang said looked like a fondue machine, in.

"You've got to be kidding me," Fang said, "I'm male. My legs don't need to be waxed. Don't be crazy."

"Keep that attitude up and we'll be waxing a_ lot_ more than your legs," Ella said warningly, stirring the wax a little.

"Not if I have anything to say about it!" Iggy snapped. "You're not getting near my legs!"

"Oh Iggy," I said condescendingly, "You say it like everyone's just _dying_ to get a good look at your legs. I know you're blind and all, but your legs really aren't that impressive."

"Ouch," Fang said.

"Don't wear that word out, you'll be using it a lot in the next few minutes," Ella said.

Hmm…I didn't know Ella was so good at this. I could employ her. We could be called Revenge Plan Inc.

Uh, ignore that last thought, okay?

I checked my watch. "I think the wax is almost done heating!" I said brightly. "Now who first…?" I trailed off, letting my eyes wander between them, just to torture them a bit more.

"_Neither _of us is going first, because we're leaving," Fang said, trying to push himself up with his bound wrists and hopping awkwardly over to the door. Unfortunately, he didn't account for the fact that Fang hopping is a lot slower, not to mention clumsier, than Max walking over and pushing him back down.

"_Neither _of you is leaving, because your hands and ankles are bound," I shot at them. "Now bring over the wax Ella," I said.

"Oh no," Iggy said, "I'm going to die a virgin. This is not happening."

"Be quiet Iggy," I said, "we're not going to kill you. And I'm pretty sure you're not a virgin."

"Close enough," I heard Fang mutter under his breath.

"Enough talk," Ella said, sounding very Hollywood Movie-ish. "I'll wax, Max will take pictures, and you guys will be quiet about it."

Iggy and Fang paled. "There are pictures involved?" they asked in unison.

"Uh, huh," I said absentmindedly as I turned on my camera and handed over the wax strips to Ella.

"We're screwed," they said in unison again. It's scary how people get when they've lived together their whole lives.

"Iggy first, since I'm sure it was him who orchestrated the whole journal stealing thing," I said.

"That's not fair!" Iggy protested, sounding very much like a whiny six year old.

"It's very fair," Fang countered. "If it weren't for you, we would be in this situation anyways."

Ella shrugged, as if she couldn't be bothered by things like this, and took an applicator and began smearing wax on Iggy's leg. When she first started, Iggy's whole face was set in a grimace, but when she started applying wax, his face relaxed.

"Y'know," he said, "This is actually pretty relaxing. And the wax is really warm…"

I stifled a giggle. "You keep thinking that, Ig," I said, starting to record.

Ella applied the wax strip to his leg, and rubbed for a few seconds. I caught another picture of Iggy sighing in pleasure.

Then—

"Uh, Ig? You'd better watch out—"

Then—

"AHHH! OH MY FREAKING _GOD! _WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!"

'That was getting your legs waxed," I said, zooming in on his priceless expression. "Good news is, the pain should ease in a few minutes. Bad news? We've got to do that about fifteen times."

Iggy just groaned, his eyes squeezed shut tightly in his agony.

The rest of waxing Iggy's legs continued in much the same manner. Ella would apply the wax, he'd say that it '_really_ wasn't that bad', and then she'd actually get to the waxing part, and Iggy'd start screaming profanities.

All the while, I was documenting the entire thing.

Finally, about half and hour and fifteen wax strips later, both Iggy's legs were done. It was actually kind of funny, how pale they were.

"Dude!" Fang exclaimed, laughing, "your legs are like, white. Like…porcelain or something."

"Seriously?" Iggy said, frantically pawing at his legs. Remember, Iggy can feel colours. "Oh no…" he moaned, "they _are_ white. Like, _snow_ white."

Now, I'm sure Iggy didn't mean to make a Disney reference there, but it didn't stop me from laughing and saying,

"Well, I guess that makes Ella and I your evil step sisters, doesn't it?"

Realizing what he'd said, Iggy scowled. "You won't be laughing when it's your turn," he said to Fang darkly.

Fang just shrugged, turned to us.

"Bring it on," he said.

This time, Ella would record and I would have the lovely honour of waxing Fang's legs. I dipped the applicator into the wax, and smeared the wax onto a section of Fang's calf.

I looked up at him, gauging his reaction. Like Iggy, he had a cocky grin on his face as he said,

"I don't get why girls always make a big fuss about getting their legs waxed. It's not like it's _that_ bad. You've got to learn how to take it like a man," he finished.

"Oh…" I said, reaching for the corner of the wax strip, "Like this?"

With that, I ripped off the wax strip, and heard a…noise come from Fang's mouth. It sounded sort of like a grunt, sort of like a muffled yell. When I looked over at his face, it was an odd purple colour.

Well, that was certainly better than Iggy. Time for the second strip.

I spread more wax onto Fang's leg, and this time, I ripped it off a little harder.

"Mffghtaaah," Fang groaned, gritting his teeth. After a few seconds, after his pain subsided, he looked at us cockily again.

"_That's _how you take it like a man," he said.

"Hmm…" Ella said from behind the camera, "This seems to be more difficult that we originally anticipated." She looked at me, eyes meaningful.

"Oh!" I gasped as I grasped her meaning. "Just what we need!"

I dashed upstairs and grabbed a mud mask- the exfoliating type.

I came down, unscrewed the cap, and squeezed a big glob of the green goop into my hands.

"Let's see if you can take this like a man," I said threateningly.

Fang scoffed. "What? Some mud?"

I ignored him as I started to apply the mud _very_ liberally onto his legs, making sure to rub it in, nice and hard.

"That feels…nice," Fang said, "sort of cooling…"

He paused. "Wait," he said, "What's that? My legs are getting really…tingly. Ah, now they're feeling kind of hot actually,"

Behind us, Iggy snickered. "That's Fang," he said, "Mr. Hot Legs."

"Shut…up…Iggy," Fang said, twitching his legs. "My legs are like, _burning_. Max, what'd you put on my legs?"

Ella laughed and said, "An exfoliating Brazilian mud mask," she said, smiling.

"Okay, I have no idea what that is," Fang said, wincing. "Gah! My skin's peeling off! What is this! I never knew _mud_ had the potential to be used as a torture device…I can't look. Are my legs eaten away to the bone?

"Take it like a man," I told Fang, smirking.

I turned to Ella. "Are you getting all this?" I asked.

"Oh yeah," she said, "It's not every day that you see Fang surrender to a spa treatment."

Fang tried to scoff, but it sounded very strained. "Spa treatment? Are you saying that spas nowadays are rubbing your legs down with eroding chemicals to earn money?"

"Uh, no…" I said, giving him my best _Duh_ face.

"Oh God," Fang said, withering around in pain, "This feels like that one time Iggy set off a few sticks of dynamite by accident and I was standing too closely…the pain…"

"Admit it," I said, sighing, "You're not a true man."

Fang made a half strangled sound in his throat. "This-this _atrocity_ is such that can only be endured by women!" He got out.

Beside me, Ella was doubled over with laughter, the video camera shaking all over the place.

* * *

><p><strong>Question: Would you rather have more frequent updates with shorter chappies, or a longer wait between updates with longer chappies?<strong>

**Please review! You guys are so awesome! I couldn't believe that I got 31 reviews for two chapters! You blew me away. **


	4. Chapter 4

You are reading Fang's Blog. Welcome!

You are visitor number: 8,694,509

**Ella:** Hey guys! Max and Ella here. You were expecting Fang, weren't you? Can you keep a secret? We've just hacked into Fang's blog (with a little help from Nudge, of course).

**Max:** Here's the thing: Fang won't be updating his blog anytime soon. Why, you might ask? He's suffering from a little condition known as _extreme__ humiliation_. Or, in scientific terms, _extremus__ humiliationus_.

**Ella:** …Courtesy of us. You see, devoted readers of Fang's blog, Fang and Iggy stole Max's diary recently.

**Max:** Journal! It's a journal!

**Ella:** What_ever_. Anyways. Fang and Iggy recently stole Max's _journal_, and read a few entries out of it. Namely, the one where Max went all hysterical because Fang gave her a promise ring.

**Max:** Hey! You weren't supposed to tell anyone about that!

**Ella:** Max! If you keep interrupting, I'm never going to finish telling Fang's readers why he's in bed with extremus humiliationus!

**Max:** Sorry.

**Ella:** That's okay. Moving along now. Fang and Iggy read Max's journal, in all of it's gushing-teenage-girl glory. We couldn't let them get away with that heinous crime, now could we?

**Max:** No, we could not. And that's why we waxed their legs. Let me tell you…I'm still deaf in one ear from Iggy's agonized screams. And Fang, his legs covered in a dull green mud mask, withering in pain? Not an image I'm likely to forget soon.

**Ella:** You know what the best part was? We got it on video.

* * *

><p><strong>This video could not be played in your region. We're very sorry for any inconvenience.<br>**

* * *

><p><strong>Max:<strong> Welcome back. As you have just seen, Ella and I took the video of Fang and Iggy's torture.

**Ella:** After it was done, we decided to embarrass them further. How?

**Max:** By making them watch the video.

**Ella:** Below is an excerpt of their exact reactions while watching it.

* * *

><p><strong>Iggy:<strong> (winces) I didn't know my voice was so…high.

**Fang:** You're the only one. That's good though, it's about time to accept the fact that you haven't hit puberty yet.

**Iggy:** Max and Ella are horri—oh God, what was that? Did my voice reach previously uncharted levels of squawky-ness?

**Fang:** Your face reached "previously uncharted levels" of redness too.

**Iggy:** Good to know, Fang, good to know.

**Fang:** Oh crap. We're almost at the part when I get my legs waxed.

**Iggy:** BWAHAHA! I'm looking forward to this.

**Fang:** I'm not. (Glares).

_I __don__'__t __get__ why__ girls __always__ make __a __big__ fuss __about__ getting__ their __legs __waxed. __It__'__s __not __like__ it__'__s _that _bad.__ You__'__ve __got__ta __learn__ how__ to__ take __it __like __a __man._

**Iggy:** Words to live by. Your big moment is almost here, Fang!

**Fang:** (More glares).

_Oh! Just what we need!_

**Iggy:** Just a few more seconds…

**Fang:** (Grabs a pillow, whacks it down on Iggy's head, while taking another pillow and burying his head in it).

_Gah! My skin's peeling off! What is this! I never knew mud had the potential to be used as a torture device…I can't look. Are my legs eaten away to the bone?_

**Iggy:** Yeah, that's right Fang. Take it like a man.

**Fang:** Shut the hell up. If I recall, it was you, screaming around like a mutant monkey while your legs were getting waxed. At least it took that Brazilian expo-thingy to get _me_ to crack.

**Iggy:** And yet when you do, it's so, so funny.

_This-this_ atrocity_ is __such __that __can __only__ be__ endured__ by __women!_

**Fang:** Death by green goop. Who could've guessed?

**Iggy:** I think we should to lie down.

**Fang:** Why?

**Iggy:** We're coming down with extremus humiliationus.

**Fang:** Actually, _I__'__m_ normal. _You__'__re_ coming down with extremus douche-y-us.

**Iggy:** That didn't even make sense.

**Fang:** Whatever. Go away.

* * *

><p><strong>Max:<strong> Ah, Fang and Iggy. You've embarrassed yourselves so much! I hope this has made you finally learn your lesson on taking my stuff without permission!

**Ella:** Oh, they've learned their lesson alright. About a hundred times over.

* * *

><p><strong>Max:<strong> Feel free to leave comments below.

Fly on,

Max and Ella


End file.
